Cultural curiosities I

fairyland

In order to understand why certain things and happenings in a new culture amuse and surprise a person, there is a need to understand a bit of their context. The first thing to admit is that it will never be possible to convey the full context, nor is it always necessary. However, to truly comprehend the element of surprise, temporary discomfort, or frustration that these, now funny, encounters, brought about, I will firstly attempt to describe you the cultural context I come from. Now. I could go about this extremely academically and tell you about the Hofstede’s cultural dimensions, their relation to happiness and individual traits. All extremely fascinating to read and converse about. Especially if interested in trying to understand and measure the ways cultures, not individuals, differ from one another. Buut how about...no. This sounds rather dull for me at the moment. In my free time I avoid the academic style and look for avenues for informal banter and less structure.  Therefore instead I will do the wild thing and display some of my most Estonian traits- give an honest, frank, yet careful description of two dimensions of Estonian culture- cautiousness and directness. These will be important for the narrative stories that will follow. 

Tiny Frog(not a hedgehog)

The first rule of thumb to know is that Estonians are cautious creatures. To really let that sink in, consider the important task that faced Estonians a few years ago- the picking of a national animal.  The battle for the national animal seemed to have a clear winner. The people of Estonia voted for.. wait for it...a hedgehog to be the national animal... A hedgehog... The people thought that the cute little cautious creature, reflects their nature the most. Clearly for marketing reasons, the high up people who make decisions of national importance (such as picking the national animal clearly), picked a wolf. Instead of a hedgehog. Anyhow point made. Estonians consider themselves to be so cautious they wanted a hedgehog to represent them. Yet, this is only a tiny way that represents Estonians tendency for caution.  

Estonians are cautious when using both the spoken and written Word. The Estonian language is dotted with proverbs, borrowed from Russian, German and probably Swedish, that reflect this trait. On a side note, this is one of the few clear benefits of the many different invaders- we have taken the best foods, sayings..gene mixture(pretty gals, nice guys hell yaaah)..from all of them. Proverbs however, are so commonly used that when I have been away from Estonia for a while and my mind goes on its occasional wander to a place called imagination land, I imagine Estonia as a fairyland. People sing and dance in the beautiful forests, around a bonfire, weave floral head wreaths and importantly- talk to each other in proverbs. Talk in proverbs, but as you’ll see in the next part, in a very direct manner. Some relevant proverbs calling for a cautious attitude that are fed to Estonians from early on include: „ Before think. Then say.“ , „ Measure ten times. Cut once.“. „ Speaking is Silver, Silence is Gold“.  These teach you the immense underestimated power of words…the power to both nurture and cut as a sword. They also teach you the underestimated power of silence. I remember in secondary school how one of the teachers used to tell my classmate off by saying „ Keep your mouth shut- you look smarter that way“. Well. Although I disapprove as this probably had a subtle damaging effect on the kid, and I believe everyone should be able and encouraged to speak their mind..  we all know very well this to be true on occasions. Certain politicians would certainly look smarter if they were mute. eg. the-one-that-shall-not-be-named-in-the-US. Hell to it, even the head of the Estonian conservative party who is now probably getting to power would look much smarter if he’d keep his mouth shut. Not that I’d recommend it – I think the public has the right to see with their own eyes(ears??) the disastrous things he thinks, says and represents. And in complete honestly, I myself find the stupidity rather amusing. Sad, but amusing. 

Fairy marsh

Being cautious can therefore be a blessing, but it is also a curse. This is reflected in the dark humour of Estonians. Humour is also a defence mechanism so take from this what you wish. The joke goes like this: 

“Once an Estonian man loved his wife so much that he almost told her.” 

Ha-Ha-Ha. I still giggle at this one.. until I let it sink in. There is a thin line between being cautious with your words and being TOO cautious with your words. And oh boi how it is sad when over-cautiousness takes place. There is beauty in being vulnerable and making oneself vulnerable. In fact it is a necessary, but not sufficient, component for any real deep human connection.  It’s a careful craft to master the balance of being cautious, but not overly cautious, for Estonians.

However, it is also pivotal to mention that the cautious nature is also reflected in behaviour. If an Estonian has ever invited you to their home… well.. I think then it is time to face it- you have met what I now classify as an Estonian Unicorn. Estonians very rarely invite people to their homes. Home is not just their castle. Home is their fortress. It is sacred and defended. When an Estonian invites you to their home, even for brief moments, you know that you have made a friend. And yes it might have taken them years to do this. The whole acquaintance-friend distinction is a whole other topic of conversation, but just note that Estonians are slow and, hey-you-guessed-it, cautious, in opening up to people. But once they do they are the most loyal puppies you can have. Someone who believes in astrology once told me that “if Estonians were a zodiac sign. Theyd be cancer”. Im not entirely sure what that is supposed to mean but apparently this reflects the cultural facet of initial cautiousness.  Whatever floats your (metaphor) boat. 

Fairly Artsy Estonian Unicorns spotted
check out: https://www.sileluik.com

I have some untestable hypotheses why this cultural tendency for cautiousness has become so engrained. Primarily I think it is due to the long history of foreign occupations, especially the most recent one- The Soviet Union. The Soviet Union was repressive. It was simply unwise to talk about certain things. Trust was low and it was crucial to practice cautiousness even with your closest friends. Eg. people practiced Christmas behind closed curtains, watched the Finnish television in secret and hid the things they had had the privilege of getting access to from abroad. You did not want to be brought to authorities, you did not want to get deported to Siberia and you never knew who might report you for that.  The need to practice cautiousness to such an extent lasted for 50 years and it is therefore of no surprise that this remains to be culturally embedded. Soviet Union collapsed just a few years before I was born, my older siblings were all born in the Soviet Union and so were my parents. Even after the collapse a period of intense insecurity remained.. It is clear why to an extent the atmosphere of cautiousness is still there and continues to be passed on. I guess psychologists would see it as part of the Jungian collective memory and identity. But I said Ill try to not babble on too much psychology. However, this leads me to another important very Estonian trait as cautiousness should not be mistaken for the lack of boldness. 

Estonians may be cautious but they are also extremely direct, straight-forward and generally keep to their promises. Maybe that is why nobody went to the streets to protest when their beloved hedgehog was not chosen as the National Animal. BOOM. Mind. Blown. Estonians are as much hedgehogs as they are wolves!? Is this possible? To be a hybrid wolf-hog or Hedge-wolf? Practical examination seems to suggest yes.  As said, Estonians are cautious with their words. There is therefore a tendency to make them count. Some of it may be due to the tendency to be practical. Why waste time saying things using lengthy sentences with subtle layered meanings when you can get your point across in a shorter way.  We are all on a run here, through this thing called life, aye mate. Like I have a million and 10 things to do and talking for long ain’t one of them. Afterall it is too cold outside to stop for a chat anyway so just say things as they are in a quick straight to the point manner (as you can see from this post people, like me, dont always adhere to their culture....). However, as words carry meanings for Estonians so do their promises. Did you ask an Estonian to help you move your apartment three months ago and then forgot about it? I bet they are going to be there on the moving day, completely silently offended (..we are reserved people afterall duh) that you had forgotten. They said they’ll come to your housewarming party- they probably will so buy enough snacks(black bread, pickles, mushrooms- all sorts of peculiar snacks are appetitive for Estonians). You ask them to recommend you some nice restaurants.  They will make sure to provide you with a decent list. Loyal, cautious, direct puppy culture which is a mixture of a bold direct confrontational wolf and a cautious hedgehog. 

Three other important points about Estonians that will be relevant to my next discussion:

Fairy flowers

• It is one of the most atheist countries in the world. We are in a constant battle against Czech Republic (Now officially called Czechia??) for the top spot as the most barbaric numero uno non-religious country in the world. Although people display spiritual beliefs, the large majority do not adhere to any one religion. Many consider themselves agnostic more than atheist. The reasons for this are multiple.  During the Soviet Union religion was banned. That period lasted for over half a century. Further, we have had many invaders who all came to shovel their own religion so you can imagine a confused Estonian peasant in the 1500s-1700s just not knowing what to believe anymore, right. More recently I guess this reflects the general decrease in organised religion as a form of power all over the world. If interested read some Foucault on that. Or maybe we are just barbarians. Whatever interpretation you wish to take. 
• Estonians generally are not as expressive in emotions as people in the South. This spins from the cautiousness point, but is important. They open up slow and steadily. Or you can speed up the process by drinking with them. It is as simple of a science as that. However you may also have some luck in unravelling an Estonian if you approach the topics in certain places. As a friendly tip, and I hope I wont be burned by Estonian fairies for spilling the beans, the best places include the sauna and the forest when mushroom picking.  
• There is no fixed eating time but generally the latest people have dinner is 8. And that’s very late. Also people don’t really care what time you eat? It’s such an inconsequential thing. Yes. This will be relevant to my discussion on spanish and latinos.

Top runs of 2018

Running is often considered a rather dull sport. It is one of the most solitary and introvertive sports that one can pick. More than that it takes a heck of dedication and discipline for it to become enjoyable and fulfilling. So why bother? The many benefits of running are widely acknowledged, it allows you to either think through your thoughts and worries and simultaneously it allows you to not think of anything. Liberating. At least once you develop it into a habit.  However I am not here to talk about the many trains of thoughts that running has given me, the way it has allowed me to work through problems, re-focus and recharge… Im here to demonstrate a less acknowledged benefit of running. Something that seemingly contrasts the meditative calming and rather introvertive impact- the adventurous “ it makes a good story” run. This is the adventure filled run, a run where something happens in the outside world. I have had several… seeeeveral fascinating runs in the past years that have not been fascinating due to any eureka thoughts, but due to what I encountered during these runs. Interestingly, but not surprisingly, most of these runs have been abroad whilst travelling or whilst settling into a new place. So here you go, my list of the 5 most fascinating happenings that I had during my runs in 2018. Perhaps this encourages you to go out and run… you never know when something weird will happen that adds to your flow of life..

1)    The one with the rather ‘high up in the clouds’ security guard 

It was a grim early morning in the city of Seattle. We had just arrived the day before and were still greatly struggling with the jet lag. 10 hours is a very uncomfortable time difference. I had managed with great effort to sleep until 4.30 am when I could no longer put off the urge to get up and explore the city. On my own. Making sure my little sister would not wake up I quietly put on my training clothes and went down to the reception to ask for the greatest running route in down. Not even one peculiar look. They must get this fairly often I thought to myself.

It isn’t often that I feel absolutely on top of the world when running, but that morning I did have that vibe that this is going to be a good one. With ABBA pumping through the headphones I set myself on a route. The runners high was not long lasting as I soon noticed rows and rows of homeless people covering the sides of the streets like a sheet of ice. I was suddenly hit with a type of sadness that no amount of ABBA could reduce. If your consciousness is literally bombarded by a very harsh reality there is no way you can ignore it. Perhaps you even shouldn’t . My own privilege, helplessness and brevity in this world started crawling to my consciousness. This is something I spent long hours contemplating on later as some sights simply leave a long lingering train of thought. 

However, it wasn’t long after this shocking sight at 5am that the security guard incident happened. I soon came to a stop as the park that was supposed to be there on the map but was blocked by cars, signs and three people.  Two of these were in security uniforms. I stopped to ask if I can go through the park as this is where the map shows me to go. I gained a very peculiar look and a brief sentence “We open at ten am. In five hours”. I returned the peculiar look with a clarifying statement that I’m just on a run and looking for a way to go. This statement  was apparently even more confusing to the two security guards as the response I got after a good 10 second pause was “Look. We are just setting up. You can come back at 10am, we are all ready then” Followed by giggles. To be honest, I was not too surprised that they were confused. Who on earth would go for a run at 5am? Perhaps it wasn’t even safe neighbourhood, who knows. As I was rolling my eyes and starting to make my exit with the sound of giggles on the background, my eyes stopped on the sign in front of which the security guard was standing. “ The Seattle Hemp Festival”…. Yes….. that makes sense..The giggles, the slow response, the oddness. They were high. The state of Washington has just recently legalized cannabis and they thought Im just a super keen person who wants to already queue for the cannabis festival. 

 2)   The one where I accidentally joined a marathon in a small city in Mexico 

Whoever has ever been to Merida would know that it is a city where it is impossible to run. The streets are like a maze and you need to come for a stop every 10-50 metres as there is a crossing and you need to check all four directions for cars.. people.. and sometimes even donkeys. However, having just gained back my will to run I didn’t let this stop me. I usually ran fairly early in the morning  as it was impossible later than 7am.. too hot, too humid, too crowded.. I’d be too visible too so there would be a lot of looks which I’ve never liked. Anyhow that particular morning I discovered a larger street outside the city centre which had beautiful beautiful colonial houses in a row. As I turned to that street and continued to run I was overtaken by a MASSIVE crowd of people. A massive crowd of people who were also doing the same weird thing that I was doing- running for no particular apparent reason. 

So there I went…gate crashing their run.  In the middle of shorter, darker, cheerful-looking group of Mexicans was a bit taller blonde Teisi wearing a  bright yellow shirt that says“ Tough mans run, Estonia 2015”.

I guess my anxious look of “ what on earth am I doing and why. Where should I go?” might have been quite a sight too. I guess I ran with them for a good kilometre or so, exchanged greetings with a few, until my social awareness kicked in and I decided to turn back. I wouldn’t know how to get back otherwise anyway, sooo there I was now running against the flow of marathon runners in the city of Merida.  

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3) The many many runs in Cuba

The constant dilemma of “Run or Rum” often found an answer in the combination of both in Cuba.  Most of the runs were luckily also in that order, but that didn’t stop the flow of interesting, rather peculiar encounters. I would say that many of the runs were fairly uncomfortable. A bit like a few years back in India where people were just staring and sometimes yelling stuff. The difference was that I didn’t understand Hindi, but I do understand Spanish. Never in my life have I been catcalled as much as in Cuba, especially during running. On one occasion in Havana I tried to measure the longest distance I can run without anyone commenting or cat-calling and the longest I could reach was about 800 metres. I gave up after that and just pumped up the volume in my headphones. This should not have surprised me as you can look as ugly as ever in your life but the Cubans would live up to their infamous reputation and still try to make a move on you. However, there was one run that stood out from those messy catcaller-runs. Namely one time a random man started running next to me. I had already given up on having normal engaging conversations in Cuba as they would fairly soon turn into a “ do you have a fiancé”” do you want to cheat on your boyfriend” type of conversations. I had created an alter-ego where I was engaged to a long-term boyfriend in order to have an easy way to reject someone… which clearly still rarely deterred anyone though. Anyhow I was clearly wary when that guy started running next to me. However, it turned out to be a brief, interesting 5 minute conversation after which our running paths departed. With no hint of him trying to hit on me. “ Where are you running? For how long? Why do you run? What do you do for a living? Do you like Cuba?”. Very simple. Very nice. Adios, with no see ya later. 

It is simply weird how a fascinating encounter turns out to be one that is completely normal.  This exemplifies how normality is defined by the context.. when suddenly catcalled filled runs are the norm, almost not even uncomfortable, it is the otherwise “ normal” encounters and conversations that become abnormal and out of the blue fascinating. 

4)   The one with feminist protests.

Spain. It was the 8^thof March when Spain was overtaken by a national strike to support gender equality, reduction and elimination of the pay gap, and otherwise policies that would encourage workplace and domestic equality. This one was brief. But funny. At least for me at the time. I went for a run in the river. Which is actually a park. But it used to be a river so that’s what people still call it. The whole city was filled with people, either protesting or simply having a day off. The river-park was not completely crowded but there were definitely more people than usually, but less runners. As  I was running past a group of friends they started cheering (in Spanish) “ Go blondes! higher wages for blonde women! Higher wages for blonde women!” To be honest objectively on any other day I would have found it quite demeaning- who on earth are you to assume that blonde women don’t have a sufficiently high salary?? But as it was the international womens day.. the day of the strike, it just made me giggle really really hard. The funniest part was that I stuttered back thank you.. but not in Spanish, no.. As I was listening to a song in Russian I stuttered back SPASIBO. Im not sure if they heard that or would have known what it meant, but it was just such a weird, funny exchange that made me giggly long after it was over. 

5)   The one with Mary.

Mary. Mary. I wondered for a while who could have been this special and mysterious Mary. Was it an ex-lover that you had regretfully let go in your youth, your mothers neighbour, your dog-walker? I made a few versions of the story in my head until I got bored. I will never know and to be honest I dont even really care. I had just moved to London and began discovering new running routes when this guy started running after me for a good 100-200 metres. I took out my headphones and heard him yell from the bottom of his heart " MARY. MARY WAIT!!!" Followed by " no.. youre not Mary..". Disheartening. Hilarious. Both at the same time. I wish I had been Mary. Or maybe not? What if this was the stalkerish jealous ex-boyfriend of Mary ready to commit another London stabbing. oh well.

So here you go. Running can bring interesting encounters. 

Fear of writing

I simultaneously love and fear writing. Though for a few people love and fear may exist on the same pole of the emotional continuum, for me they exist on the opposite poles (1).  I therefore think it may not be that I both love and fear writing, but that I love some parts of it and fear others. I love the process of writing, reflecting, gathering thoughts, I however fear what happens once one lets those thoughts, ideas and reflections go. 

What happens to yourself after processing through written expression as it has the capacity to change both, your perception of memories which are bitter and full of sorrow but also those memories that are sweet? 

What happens to those thoughts as they are picked up by others, interpreted and reflected within their view of things? 

I dare to say that I have learned a great deal of theoretical knowledge about perception thorough my undergraduate degree, yet oddly enough this knowledge has changed only little about my fear of publishing opinion pieces that I have written. Perhaps this has little to do with the fear of perception and (mis)interpretation of my thoughts by others as this happens even through other means of communication, is uncontrollable, and sometimes even a needed artefact of life. Perhaps this fear has more to do with identifying myself with the thoughts and opinions and the conscious knowledge that these thoughts and opinions that I identify with now, may change in both space and time. Yet  I'm not sure if I would bother and find it necessary to go back and modify them. Would it even be necessary? Will everything I say, think and feel only be and remain confined in a certain place and time? I wonder if this would even actually decrease the value of what I write..  Is this even a valid excuse for not sharing, if such thing as a “valid excuse” could be determined and quantified by any external measure at all.. 

Perhaps all that I have said touches upon a more overarching reason for my fear- it is not really the perception of others, nor that thoughts and opinions change over time (as is natural and in fact very well needed as humans gather new information and knowledge, adapt to situations and changing circumstances), but the fact that by sharing one makes oneself vulnerable. This vulnerability is confined to a certain space and time of course because as what matters today may not matter as much tomorrow. Yet the vulnerability is real. This is why people use pseudonyms and value anonymity to a great extent, as the fear to be vulnerability is pinned down in real life consequences. I have however learned a great deal in that regard. Without expression and exchange of pieces of oneself, one can only gain so little in life. Quoting my favourite book The Little Prince “ One runs the risk of weeping a little, if one lets himself be tamed”. Yet its worth taming. It enriches human life to have exchanges that potentially make you vulnerable. A little caution though is necessary, not all situations call for exposing oneself or ones thoughts (2). After having learned this lesson, what else can it be that makes fear come so close to what I love? 

As I was writing my summary of reflections on the previous year as I have a tendency to do in the end of December, I may have stumbled upon an answer. Of course a partial answer as it is ridiculous to think that such thing as a final or full answer to anything can ever be comprehended or found by any single or a group of humans. I would love to quote Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy, but that would go too much off topic so just read the book and ponder about that a bit. The answer. Or the question? 

Yet, this partial answer (as I hope it is.. we can never be certain) is not any less important than the ones I mentioned before. What I came across in my writing is that is probably not anything internal in myself that makes the fear so real. It is worth mentioning as a side-note however, that of course one can easily argue that any fear is self-made and an internal reflection, but that argument is periphery and not contradicting the one I want to make. 

It became increasingly apparent to me that it is incredibly difficult to reflect and summarize a whole year of experiences in a richness that would do them any justice. Expressing oneself should through a written form should not feel strange, but it can feel strange if your ambition is to make others see what you saw, hear what you heard, touch what you touched. Perhaps even the ambition to make  them feel what you felt.  The strangeness comes to the equation as it becomes uncomfortably apparent to you that this can never be achieved. It may also at one point become apparent that this may not be desirable..

I do think that to a certain depth everyone has experienced this, yet how explicitly this has become apparent can vary greatly. Of course some writers I believe come very close to this. Bringing richness to their communication. Who hasn’t read a great novel that completely immerses you in its vividness? I am currently absolutely immersed in a fantasy novel (name of the wind. If anyone wants to get hooked) and its amazing. One can of course never be sure if the images I create in my mind are what the author intended. but they are nevertheless great. at least for me.  I will avoid falling to the debate if it is even necessary for the reader to experience what the author intended as I have some conflicting ideas and opinions about it that id need to figure out by myself, but maybe in a later post. A lot of credit to authors who are indeed capable and skilled in conveying this much. 

Anyhow  I guess I do sometimes fear writing. Not only publishing and the moment of “ letting thoughts go”. But fearing the letting your thoughts and ideas take a form in a written word. Everything is a reduction. Simplification. And now add all the complicating factors I mentioned above: The processing changing your memories; The uptake and potential misinterpretation; Being confined in space and time; Vulnerability; Numerous other factors, both identified and unidentified, whether written down here or elsewhere… and voilaa you get a person who decides that status quo is better than coming out of the bubble. 

I wonder why I haven’t encountered this in other forms of communication. For instance video editing. I love making videos and setting them to music. This is also a process of reducing the outside world to a certain format. I guess a visual format feels slightly less restricting than written format and perhaps I know that there is very little misinterpretation that can happen, nor will this change much in time and space..though of course as I'm improving in this new field Id often like to go back and change the way I edited things.. Also perhaps the visual editing is more creative for me than writing? I rarely nowadays write short stories. In fact I think I haven’t written one in years now. I probably wouldn’t identify with it to the same extent I identify with written things. 

In terms of spoken communication- It usually remains temporary, it perhaps is not as overly ambitious in its intent and any misunderstandings can usually be remedied. Unless other factors, social and otherwise, wont allow you to go back and remedy what you said. 

Oh well, to conclude: Why do I have this odd fear of writing? I don’t really know. And its ok not to know. What this writing achieved? Perhaps it was entertaining for someone which would be an achievement on its own, but perhaps it decreased my fear of writing. But perhaps nothing. 

Funnily enough this was not what I intended to write about.. I could still write about all the other things I wanted to write about.. but the book I'm reading is interesting and as a human who cant stand against temptations for very long unless there is a real reason It is time to end this monologue. 

Also before you point it out-  Yes. It is highly ironic how I write about the fear of writing. Oh sweet irony. Also kinda funny how I did not realise this until I was half way through. 

Adios. Until next time. As you can see it now hasn't been more than five years between the posts so perhaps "see you soon" may actually live up to its conventional expectations. 

(1) Ill leave the argument about whether love is an emotion or not for another time.

(2) This should have gone without saying. But oh well "kordamine on tarkuse ema" -  "Repetition is the mother of wiseness" as the saying in estonian goes.. 

Reflections of 2017

25.12.18 I was about to post another post when I discovered that there was an error in publishing this. Will do this nevertheless as this would mean there was less than a year between the posts. Which is process. Slow process, but process. I will also do one for 2018. Maybe.


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In January 2012 I made a blogpost answering some generic questions about 2011 and the coming year 2012. Ive decided to do the same for 2017. The answers to 2011 are below. I have not added photos to 2017 as I kinda need to go get ready for the annual party, but might do so later :)  As youll see there is plenty of peculiar overlap. 

What did you do in 2017 that you’d never done before?

The list could be long. The most significant were: living in three different countries in one year, finishing my dissertation, graduating from university, working in truly international environments, working on a task set up by one of the most powerful people in public health...

2017: Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

This answer is the same as it was in 2011-  I do not typically make new years´ resolutions. I do not need a New Year to make resolutions to myself. Made one signficiant one two days ago for instance. 

2017: What countries did you visit?

 I lived in the UK, Switzerland and Spain. I guess that means I visited my home country Estonia, France and Czech Republic. 

What would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017? 

In 2011 I wrote stability. For a brief moment I was certain that this is what I would like to also have in 2018 as it was lacking in 2017.. However, this is only what I will need from September-December 2018. Before that I only need stability in my instability.

 I think I would like to have more time to read for my own leisure in 2018. Early 2017 was exhausting due to finals and the summer and autumn where just hectic..pleasurable, but hectic.. I hope in 2018 I can make the time for introspection and self-guided travel.. 

I can already see this happening. Especially in the early months and the summer- Im so excited.  

What date/s from 2017 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

In 2011, I thought im not good at remembering dates because its what you do what matters, not when you do it. Whilst I still support this line of thought, this year has however thought me that timing is everything. For some odd reason some dates did implant themselves in my memory- I do have a strange thing with numbers- some I remember for forever, others I do not. All sorts of old phone numbers, codes, passwords- I can reiterate those for years and years to come. It seems that the same can happen with certain dates.

Not surprisingly the most memorable date was my graduation on the 1st of July, as well as my move to Geneva on the 7th of July aaand my flight to Madrid on the 1st of October. 22nd of December was also memorable as it was my last morning in Madrid. 

What was your biggest achievement of the year?

There were two:

Definitely graduating from Cambridge with a high 2.1. Something I am for the first time in ages very proud of.

Working for the DGs working group and seeing our proposals work their way to implementation!  

What was your biggest failure?

Was about to say that nothing major, but I then I remembered that  I do have one that was probably the biggest fail ever. I had my bag stolen in a park in GENEVA. That included evewrything from my passport and phone to the keys of my house.. And all due to my inattentiveness. Pretty funny failure. Not funny at the time though. 

What was the best thing you bought?

As I said in 2011 - The best things in life can not be bought :)) The best things and people in my life in 2017 were gratis. Nevertheless the cheap Prosecco from LIdl to drink daily by the lake was a pretty good deal. As were the plane tickets to ibiza and day trips to Salamanca, Cuenca and Toledo. 

Where did most of your money go?

Wine. and plane tickets. For sure! 

What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Working at the the World Health Organisation. SO SO SO EXCITED. Im still so excited that I had the opportunity. 

I also got super super excited for a May week get-a-way to France, Homerton May Ball, Family road trip around the UK, psychology conference in Prague, planning a ski trip for January 2018, Zsofi coming to Seville and of course- LEARNING SPANISH and their weird habits.  

Now that I look back.... it was a very exciting year.. Or im just an excitable person. 

What song will always remind you of 2017?

January- June : "Now we are Free " Hans Zimmer, Lisa Gerrard

July- August : Cant help it, bt Despacito and Calle 13 <3 So much love for this

September- December: Reggaeton!!   Ya no me duele mas, Madre Tierra, Cuentame un Cuento. 

Did you have any encounters with the police in 2017?

Well only to report my stolen bag. 

What was your favorite TV program?

Black Mirror, friends and of course - Cable Girls. xD Embarassed to even write it here but yeah, love the Spanish drama so much. 

What was the best book you read?

I loved "Myth of Mental Illness" by Szazs and Foucault´s " Madness and Society". But I have to go for Little Prince once again. Helped me put my things in perspective + it has wisdom for every era youre going through.

What was your greatest musical discovery?

Plenty of classical music due to exam preparation. Plenty of reggaeton. 

What did you want and get?

I wanted an internship at WHO and I got it. Wanted to live in Spain and I did. Both of which were accompanied by things I did not ask for though, as tends to be the case very often. 

Also wanted to have a good time with friends- I soooo did!!! 

What did you want and not get?

I really wanna skip this question this year :D But oh well. Hm, lets say I did not get what was initially not my intention anyway but became so after the common effect of " If i cant have it, I want it" . Human nature at its worst. 

At one time I really wanted to get gingerbread in Spain... did not get it, had to eat cinnamon cookies instead. That was pretty significant and traumatising. 

Did you make any new friends this year?

 Yes. And quite a few that I know are going to be with me in the long run. 

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 

I turned 22 and spent most of it on the plane and in the airport. We just departed for the UK roadtrip with my family and had some troubles with the rental car. However had dinner in this amaaaazing Indian place.  

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017?

What question is that ? xD Just as colourful as my personality :) This means it varied from day to day, from mood to mood. 

What kept you sane?

A few important people in my life. 

Also perspective. Having some perspective that everything in life comes to an end, the good and the bad.  and listening with both my head and heart.. 

Who was the best new person you met? 

I did not only meet amazing new people, but I got to know some people as if we had just properly met. From Cambridge, Caro and Nier. From Switzerland, my dear DG working group, as well as Zsofi, Tomek, Alpcan. From Spain my core internationals.. This year has truly blessed me with new people in my life. Just as a door closes.. another one opens.. 

How do you plan to start 2018?

Same as it was 6 years ago - with my best friends at my dads apartment in the old town. Im so very excited as its the 6th year of hosting this party. 

Where did you begin 2017?

 Honestly and objectively the worst start for the year. Definitely one of the worst ones that anyone can ever have. You can ask about it in private if you wish.  I was in Latvia. Moral of the story: always thro the NY eve party. 

How did you spend your summer? 

 Simply the best. Felt on top of the world.  Will always think of it fondly. 

What was your worst month?

March-May. The most difficult months for sure. 

Favorite night out?

Loved the midsummer eve, but there were also a couple of gems in Spain. 

What sporting events did you attend?

Weirdly I did not run a marathon this year. Went for solo runs usually.  

What was your best month?

As in 2011- July probably. Graudation, move to Geneva. Full of many highs and very few lows. June was amazing as well with finishing exams, going to France and of course- May week. 

Overall, how would you rate this year?

It had the highest of highs and lowest of lows. Not necessarily a positive combination. Informally I have labelled it the unfortunate events of 2017.

Other than home, where did you spend most of your time?

I think statistically speaking it will be the library, just because of January-end of May. 

Other than that I think drinking wine somewhere. 

Did anything embarrassing?

Something that objectively would be embarrassing- probably. However, subjectively- Probably not, as I cant remember anything.

Something new to try in 2018:

Travel to new countries. Move to London. 

And here are the answers from 2011:

What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?

Well the most obvious answer is that I moved to England. Alone.It's not something i'm doing every year. And that of course isn't the only thing, there are so many things i did for the first time. I think that posting some photos with little descriptions is the best way to show it to you. 

Well,  it was the first time that i went to the national song and dance festival with Rea. Of course I've been there before,  but i was so small and didn't remember it so much.

Went to Tõrva to visit my relatives(yess, the coolest one is Kristin, obviously) and had AWESOME TIME, ENJOYED ALL THE CRAZY THINGS WE DO ALL THE TIME. Being afraid of murderers when camping, decorating the famous jumping tower( no not for suiciders, but i have no idea how's it in English. Jack or any other reader..HELP!?) and swimming at nighttime. 

Played table tennis @ the city center (Rotermann) with my best friend. 

ALL RELATIVES, please skip this part, all right( although now you will read extra carefully, as I have drawn attention to this)

 Had a cool hat-shisha session. ( well i dont really want to add all the shisha photos here, but this one was kinda special.. atleast photos are awesome) And i have to apologise to my dad and grandma and well.. all the other relatives who might check my blog from time to time. But that is life.... and that's just being young... :D

THE MOST AWESOME TIME WITH MY BEST FRIEND, when we met 5 am to go and take some awesome photos with my new fishlens and biking around the city(end up @ kakumäe)

 Of course we had to make a stop at Chopsticks....

Had a great B'Day party with Lisette. Thank you honeybunnies. We really should do something again this spring break.... 

Went to Tõrva again and was trapped with that ANNOYING Krisin in a ball, which was floating on water. 

 First time having a sumo-fight.

 Finally realised that what really relates us, is our retardness.

Had a slave for a day. Finally somebody did all the cleaning for me!!!!

 And Kiku's collection of photos  "how to torture and kill children" got a new item.

First time @ punk songfestival in Rakvere. 

 First 10 km running at a event called "nightrun". Thank you,  Elis! Who else would have had the courage to join me.

SANTORINI!! No more words needed:

First time taking part of a style week. 

 And running for charity with those costumes :D

And of course once in a life time, finishing 9th grade:

 And everything that came before...

Of course moving to England was the biggest change and "new challenge" for me. Totally new environment, out of my comfort zone. Meeting new wonderful people. Joining a local table tennis club, where I was very warmly welcomed , starting competing again and getting to know some table tennis players. Having all my classes in English, from time to time forgetting estonian. Doing  rock-climbing for the first time, international affairs, psychology club and of course joining Oxford Union. 2011 has been a year of great changes and opportunities. I tried to take the best out of them and even though there has been some tough times, I'm happy about where I am. This experience is just priceless and all the new people I've met.....amazing. So I suppose I could say that everything in England has been new to me. But everyone that have followed my steps through my blog have seen it and all this will continue in 2012. I'm just going to add a few photos from England, because you have seen most of them, so here they are:

Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

 I don't make new years' resolutions. Don't bother to make promises that are hard to keep and i can make my "promises" any time I'd like.

What countries did you visit?

 That's going to be a long list: starting from Mauritius were I welcomed 2011, then Greece, Finland, England?,Estonia? and Singapore

What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011? 

Stability. It's not that I don't like changes. It's just that after a big change one needs to get some stability. Feeling secure and stable with being here. I should also find some more time for myself. There are several things I want and need to develop in myself. My days were really busy and I hardly had any time to jsut rest and do whatever I liked. I especially had some hard time in the end of 2011, so I hope that in 2012 I'm able to organize my time a bit more wisely. Find some time for just sleeping and doing nothing. Even though I do love the fact that I have a lot of activities, I still need some rest.

What date/s from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Not good at remembering exact dates, it's what you do that matters, not when you do it. 31st January was awesome.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Probably moving to England and slowly getting used to everything. Becoming more confident and being able to study in English. I also found out so much about myself through those great changes in my life.

What was your biggest failure?

Nothing memorable.

What was the best thing you bought?

The best things in life can not be bought :))

Where did most of your money go?

I have no idea... probably clothes or something like that. If you count pocket money and not airplane tickets etc. oh, i know.. OXFORD UNION. 

What did you get really, really, really excited about?

That i really really really am going to study in England!!!!! That winter break is awesome!!!! That me and Kiku went biking 5 am. That I finished 9th grade!!!! 

What song will always remind you of 2011?

Well there were many good songs, but which one will always remind me of 2011? Homme 18-Pilvede embuses i guess. (those who know, know). OH AND STOP&STARE

Did you have any encounters with the police in 2011?

No.

What was your favorite TV program?

I didn't watch that much tv. Desperate housewives as always. 

What was the best book you read?

R.Cialdini " Psychology of persuasion

What was your greatest musical discovery?

I didn't listen to OneRepublic before, also some unknown bands: 

What did you want and get?

 I wanted to study in England. Now I'm here. I wanted to go to Singapore and I did. I wanted to have great time with my friends and i had amazing time! 

What did you want and not get?

 I wanted to over come some difficulties more easily, but life isn't always that easy.

Did you make any new friends this year?

 YES!!!!!!!! 

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 

 I turned 16 and celebrated it first with my parents, siblings and later had a party with friends. 

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?

Wearing what i like basically. 

What kept you sane?

i have always been reasonable. 

Who was the best new person you met? 

Well there are a lot of people from UK who i met, I'd rather not bring out anyone specific. And then Geit of course

How do you plan to start 2012?

Started it with my best friends @ my dads apartment. No further details needed.

Where did you begin 2011?

 @ Mauritius with my family :))

How did you spend your summer? 

 Summer was just the best part of my year. All those days i spent with my friends were memorable and we did soooooooooo many things, you just can't imagine. Enjoyed every moment we had :)

What was your worst month?

Probably November and the beginning of December. I just couldn't handle anything anymore. May wa salso hard, because of studying, but i surviveeeed!!!!

Favorite night out?

All the shisha night with my friends. and the 31st of December.

What sporting events did you attend?

Table tennis competitions, rock climbing, gym. 

What was your best month?

July probably, October was also fun and exciting. 

Overall, how would you rate this year?

Generally I'm pleased with it, had the best summer of all times and moved to England in September.

Other than home, where did you spend most of your time?

OUT !!!! :D at Kiku's place probably , or just biking around the city. 

Did anything embarrassing?

YESSSSSS, but i would be clearly insane to write it here.

Something new to try in 2012:

I don't usually plan those cool things ahead that much.