Cultural curiosities I

fairyland

In order to understand why certain things and happenings in a new culture amuse and surprise a person, there is a need to understand a bit of their context. The first thing to admit is that it will never be possible to convey the full context, nor is it always necessary. However, to truly comprehend the element of surprise, temporary discomfort, or frustration that these, now funny, encounters, brought about, I will firstly attempt to describe you the cultural context I come from. Now. I could go about this extremely academically and tell you about the Hofstede’s cultural dimensions, their relation to happiness and individual traits. All extremely fascinating to read and converse about. Especially if interested in trying to understand and measure the ways cultures, not individuals, differ from one another. Buut how about...no. This sounds rather dull for me at the moment. In my free time I avoid the academic style and look for avenues for informal banter and less structure.  Therefore instead I will do the wild thing and display some of my most Estonian traits- give an honest, frank, yet careful description of two dimensions of Estonian culture- cautiousness and directness. These will be important for the narrative stories that will follow. 

Tiny Frog(not a hedgehog)

The first rule of thumb to know is that Estonians are cautious creatures. To really let that sink in, consider the important task that faced Estonians a few years ago- the picking of a national animal.  The battle for the national animal seemed to have a clear winner. The people of Estonia voted for.. wait for it...a hedgehog to be the national animal... A hedgehog... The people thought that the cute little cautious creature, reflects their nature the most. Clearly for marketing reasons, the high up people who make decisions of national importance (such as picking the national animal clearly), picked a wolf. Instead of a hedgehog. Anyhow point made. Estonians consider themselves to be so cautious they wanted a hedgehog to represent them. Yet, this is only a tiny way that represents Estonians tendency for caution.  

Estonians are cautious when using both the spoken and written Word. The Estonian language is dotted with proverbs, borrowed from Russian, German and probably Swedish, that reflect this trait. On a side note, this is one of the few clear benefits of the many different invaders- we have taken the best foods, sayings..gene mixture(pretty gals, nice guys hell yaaah)..from all of them. Proverbs however, are so commonly used that when I have been away from Estonia for a while and my mind goes on its occasional wander to a place called imagination land, I imagine Estonia as a fairyland. People sing and dance in the beautiful forests, around a bonfire, weave floral head wreaths and importantly- talk to each other in proverbs. Talk in proverbs, but as you’ll see in the next part, in a very direct manner. Some relevant proverbs calling for a cautious attitude that are fed to Estonians from early on include: „ Before think. Then say.“ , „ Measure ten times. Cut once.“. „ Speaking is Silver, Silence is Gold“.  These teach you the immense underestimated power of words…the power to both nurture and cut as a sword. They also teach you the underestimated power of silence. I remember in secondary school how one of the teachers used to tell my classmate off by saying „ Keep your mouth shut- you look smarter that way“. Well. Although I disapprove as this probably had a subtle damaging effect on the kid, and I believe everyone should be able and encouraged to speak their mind..  we all know very well this to be true on occasions. Certain politicians would certainly look smarter if they were mute. eg. the-one-that-shall-not-be-named-in-the-US. Hell to it, even the head of the Estonian conservative party who is now probably getting to power would look much smarter if he’d keep his mouth shut. Not that I’d recommend it – I think the public has the right to see with their own eyes(ears??) the disastrous things he thinks, says and represents. And in complete honestly, I myself find the stupidity rather amusing. Sad, but amusing. 

Fairy marsh

Being cautious can therefore be a blessing, but it is also a curse. This is reflected in the dark humour of Estonians. Humour is also a defence mechanism so take from this what you wish. The joke goes like this: 

“Once an Estonian man loved his wife so much that he almost told her.” 

Ha-Ha-Ha. I still giggle at this one.. until I let it sink in. There is a thin line between being cautious with your words and being TOO cautious with your words. And oh boi how it is sad when over-cautiousness takes place. There is beauty in being vulnerable and making oneself vulnerable. In fact it is a necessary, but not sufficient, component for any real deep human connection.  It’s a careful craft to master the balance of being cautious, but not overly cautious, for Estonians.

However, it is also pivotal to mention that the cautious nature is also reflected in behaviour. If an Estonian has ever invited you to their home… well.. I think then it is time to face it- you have met what I now classify as an Estonian Unicorn. Estonians very rarely invite people to their homes. Home is not just their castle. Home is their fortress. It is sacred and defended. When an Estonian invites you to their home, even for brief moments, you know that you have made a friend. And yes it might have taken them years to do this. The whole acquaintance-friend distinction is a whole other topic of conversation, but just note that Estonians are slow and, hey-you-guessed-it, cautious, in opening up to people. But once they do they are the most loyal puppies you can have. Someone who believes in astrology once told me that “if Estonians were a zodiac sign. Theyd be cancer”. Im not entirely sure what that is supposed to mean but apparently this reflects the cultural facet of initial cautiousness.  Whatever floats your (metaphor) boat. 

Fairly Artsy Estonian Unicorns spotted
check out: https://www.sileluik.com

I have some untestable hypotheses why this cultural tendency for cautiousness has become so engrained. Primarily I think it is due to the long history of foreign occupations, especially the most recent one- The Soviet Union. The Soviet Union was repressive. It was simply unwise to talk about certain things. Trust was low and it was crucial to practice cautiousness even with your closest friends. Eg. people practiced Christmas behind closed curtains, watched the Finnish television in secret and hid the things they had had the privilege of getting access to from abroad. You did not want to be brought to authorities, you did not want to get deported to Siberia and you never knew who might report you for that.  The need to practice cautiousness to such an extent lasted for 50 years and it is therefore of no surprise that this remains to be culturally embedded. Soviet Union collapsed just a few years before I was born, my older siblings were all born in the Soviet Union and so were my parents. Even after the collapse a period of intense insecurity remained.. It is clear why to an extent the atmosphere of cautiousness is still there and continues to be passed on. I guess psychologists would see it as part of the Jungian collective memory and identity. But I said Ill try to not babble on too much psychology. However, this leads me to another important very Estonian trait as cautiousness should not be mistaken for the lack of boldness. 

Estonians may be cautious but they are also extremely direct, straight-forward and generally keep to their promises. Maybe that is why nobody went to the streets to protest when their beloved hedgehog was not chosen as the National Animal. BOOM. Mind. Blown. Estonians are as much hedgehogs as they are wolves!? Is this possible? To be a hybrid wolf-hog or Hedge-wolf? Practical examination seems to suggest yes.  As said, Estonians are cautious with their words. There is therefore a tendency to make them count. Some of it may be due to the tendency to be practical. Why waste time saying things using lengthy sentences with subtle layered meanings when you can get your point across in a shorter way.  We are all on a run here, through this thing called life, aye mate. Like I have a million and 10 things to do and talking for long ain’t one of them. Afterall it is too cold outside to stop for a chat anyway so just say things as they are in a quick straight to the point manner (as you can see from this post people, like me, dont always adhere to their culture....). However, as words carry meanings for Estonians so do their promises. Did you ask an Estonian to help you move your apartment three months ago and then forgot about it? I bet they are going to be there on the moving day, completely silently offended (..we are reserved people afterall duh) that you had forgotten. They said they’ll come to your housewarming party- they probably will so buy enough snacks(black bread, pickles, mushrooms- all sorts of peculiar snacks are appetitive for Estonians). You ask them to recommend you some nice restaurants.  They will make sure to provide you with a decent list. Loyal, cautious, direct puppy culture which is a mixture of a bold direct confrontational wolf and a cautious hedgehog. 

Three other important points about Estonians that will be relevant to my next discussion:

Fairy flowers

• It is one of the most atheist countries in the world. We are in a constant battle against Czech Republic (Now officially called Czechia??) for the top spot as the most barbaric numero uno non-religious country in the world. Although people display spiritual beliefs, the large majority do not adhere to any one religion. Many consider themselves agnostic more than atheist. The reasons for this are multiple.  During the Soviet Union religion was banned. That period lasted for over half a century. Further, we have had many invaders who all came to shovel their own religion so you can imagine a confused Estonian peasant in the 1500s-1700s just not knowing what to believe anymore, right. More recently I guess this reflects the general decrease in organised religion as a form of power all over the world. If interested read some Foucault on that. Or maybe we are just barbarians. Whatever interpretation you wish to take. 
• Estonians generally are not as expressive in emotions as people in the South. This spins from the cautiousness point, but is important. They open up slow and steadily. Or you can speed up the process by drinking with them. It is as simple of a science as that. However you may also have some luck in unravelling an Estonian if you approach the topics in certain places. As a friendly tip, and I hope I wont be burned by Estonian fairies for spilling the beans, the best places include the sauna and the forest when mushroom picking.  
• There is no fixed eating time but generally the latest people have dinner is 8. And that’s very late. Also people don’t really care what time you eat? It’s such an inconsequential thing. Yes. This will be relevant to my discussion on spanish and latinos.